AS A FRANKLIN County High School (FCHS) teenager, Kristen Hannah Brown felt lucky to get out. Forget dreams and aspirations; Brown was just counting the days until her graduation in 2001. In hindsight, she understands that her struggles weren’t so uncommon – people just didn’t talk about it.
“High school was hard for me. I was never confident or believed in myself. I battled, mentally, every day. Back then it wasn’t talked about or advertised that you could talk to someone, like it is now. I still battle daily,” Brown said.
One place she was comfortable, though, was in the FCHS flag corp and concert band.
“Flag corp meant that I belonged to this sorority of young ladies performing a task; it’s a talent not just anyone can do. Waving a flag and keeping time, making sure you’re where you’re supposed to be at the right moment, is harder than it looks,” she said.
And so it is with life.
Jumping onto the hamster wheel of life carrying the flag of your dreams, desires, and struggles often leaves us feeling we have to keep perfect time and stay in line with the rest of life’s corp. It’s more complicated than it looks, but one thing is different now than when Brown was in high school: the stigma of mental health is declining.
Brown said, “In high school, I saw how other people glowed and thrived. That wasn’t me, and I desperately wanted that. But I didn’t know how to grasp it, and I didn’t know that I had to find it in myself. It wasn’t until I entered the medical field that I realized there are people like me.”
A band student since middle school, Brown played in the high school concert band. Band and flag corp was the closest thing to finding “it” she came to at the time.
“It allowed me to do something creative that I had control over. I was able to think for myself in band,” Brown said. “Nobody talked about the signs or the symptoms [of depression]. Nobody said anything. Now, I think the mental health community has had such a big voice over recent years; it’s not taboo to be a little depressed anymore. A lot of teenagers are still battling the same things we did 20 years ago. Bullying is still there, and the stigma and judgment are still there. But if anybody gets anything out of this and my struggles in high school, I hope it’s that they know they’re not alone.”
Brown married her husband, Joe, in 2002, and his stepmother, a nurse, steered her into a new path in adulthood. Her success and outlook influenced Kristen’s future career.
“She encouraged me to start off small in nursing school and move up as I became comfortable. I did just that. I started as a certified nursing assistant (CNA) and am now a licensed vocational nurse. I started small, and now I’m confident, although I’m no longer practicing in the healthcare field. The same actions still resonate true in life and my current career at Halliburton Energy Services in Texas.”
Now that Kristen knows help is available for her struggles, she lives a life that far outshines the one she knew in school.
“Sure, we can go through the motions every day. And a lot of people define that as happy. They go through the motions daily, do the same thing every day, struggling but thinking they’re okay. But if life isn’t joyful, if you don’t have fun, if you don’t smile for yourself or bring a smile to someone else every day, it’s not joyful. You have to filter out all the ugly that this world is offering,” she said.
Kristen’s filter is creative outlets.
“I’m a hobby crafter. I have to release myself into something else. If I’m anxious or feeling depressed, I have to find something creative to channel feelings and emotions into. Otherwise, I’m just gonna get way too down. And life shouldn’t be like that. It’s too short for you to be miserable. Band was a good resource for me. It was something creative that I could use to channel something away from depression and anxiety, and just somewhere where I could feel like I fit in.”
With the tools for managing her mental well-being, Kristen plans to live intentionally for the next years of her life.
“I recently told my husband, I feel like it’s only in the last five years we’ve become happy with ourselves, living in joy. Life is too short for you to wait until you’re 35 to live in joy. I said no. Especially now, when we’re 40. And we’re only embracing it now. You need to live that as soon as you can.”
It’s a philosophy she shares with her son, Austin, as well.
“I tell my son, ‘Look at your better side. Don’t compare yourself to other people because in 20 years, those people will not be the same people. Be yourself. Be happy with yourself. Then if people think you’re weird, just compliment them. Say thanks. I appreciate that because I think weird is awesome. They may think you’re an outcast, but God made you to stand out, not to fit in.’ And on social media, they want drama and chaos. Stay off of it. If it doesn’t interest you or bring you joy, stay away from it.”
It’s the message she has for all young people.
“Depression and anxiety are a big deal. But let’s get it fixed. Life is worth living. Let’s get it fixed.” GN
