IN AN energetic coffee shop on a milder-than-usual Monday night in November, Mike and Susie Young reminisce about their first years together. Nearing 40 years of marriage, the exact details of how they got together might be a little fuzzy. You see, over the last 39 years, there have been a few changes in address, career moves, children, and now grandchildren that have filled their memories with other things. These are cherished memories that stand as proof of a life well-lived and a marriage marked by growth, grace, compromise, and, most importantly, love.
They laugh at some of the recollections and baffle over the time passed with others. One thing is certain, though, as you listen to them talk to each other — Mike and Susie genuinely like each other. Not just as a married couple, but as friends. And friendship is really where their story begins. For the Youngs, their friendship is the foundation of their strong marriage, which has weathered life’s storms and celebrated its successes.
FROM FRIENDS TO PARTNERS
Both natives of Louisiana, they both attended Louisiana State University (LSU). Upon arriving on campus as a freshman, Susie said she wasn’t looking for romance. She was eager to carve out her own path when she was introduced to Mike. Susie was hesitant at first, but at a welcome party at the Baptist Student Union, introductions were made, and she found Mike to be friendly. But for either, it wasn’t love at first sight. It wasn’t even an attraction. It was something quieter, steadier: friendship.
For a year, the couple said they were simply part of the same circle and would see each other when hanging out.
“We were just friends,” Susie said. “I thought he was nice, but it wasn’t until later that I realized how much I liked him.”
That realization came one summer when Susie said she stayed in Baton Rouge for classes. Lonely one evening, she was surprised when Mike showed up at her apartment.
“He said, ‘Come on, let’s go hang out,’” she remembered. “It was the first time I thought, he’s not just friendly — he’s really kind.”
By fall, their friendship had shifted, with Mike and Susie beginning to realize that there was more to this friendship between them.
They dated for three years before marrying. Nearly four decades later, they still describe their relationship as rooted in friendship.
“Other people could see it evolving before we did,” Mike said. “We were always together, and eventually it was obvious.”
IN GOOD TIMES AND BAD
For Mike and Susie, love has never been a fixed point. It has shifted and reshaped over the years. Several factors have helped shape the successful marriage between the two. Both grew up in families where marriage was modeled as commitment and teamwork.
“We both had some positive role models in the sense that my parents were married for 60-plus years, and so were her parents,” Mike explained. “We have to see from the very early ages how you do marriage. My dad worked a week offshore and was home a week. So, the weeks he was gone, my mom raised three boys. She was a part-time single mom. I watched them be able to do it as a team, even though there was this separation. I think our role models were good, and that helped us tremendously.”
They also credit their appreciation for each other in helping to weather the storms of life. Mike said that Susie’s unconditional positive regard, or the complete acceptance and support of a person regardless of their actions or feelings, is what he appreciates most about her and how she gets through things.
“She exemplifies unconditional positive regard,” he said. “It’s a counseling thing she studied, but it’s not a counseling thing for her. It’s just who she’s always been; it’s just a natural gift. She’s had to follow me through multiple careers. I always stayed longer than I needed to, and it was time to leave when I did. It was all those things, and she was just always there. It may have been a hard strain for her, but it didn’t come across that way to me. I think that the unconditional positive regard with our kids and me is a way of saying that she didn’t learn that from school; she embodied that.”
Susie added that their strong values and backgrounds helped to build a strong foundation in their marriage.
“We value the same things,” she said. “And I think we’ve been fortunate enough to evolve together, like theologically, politically, all the way that if one of us had stayed in one place and the other had moved on, it would have been difficult. I’ve never felt like one of us drug the other person. We both were willing, open-minded, and we evolved. We’re not at the same place we were back then when we met, and that’s a good thing.”
THE SECRET OF IT ALL
When asked what their secret to a long-lasting marriage is, both have their own take on it.
“Ask yourself, ‘What does love require of me right now?’” Mike said. “Love is fluid. It looks different at different times. Sometimes it means putting the other person first. Sometimes it means giving space. Sometimes it’s just running into Publix together on the way home. But it’s always love.”
Susie’s advice is to simply be good to each other.
“Treat your spouse the way you want to be treated. Don’t try to change them — work on yourself,” she said.
In the end, they both agree that love isn’t rocket science. It’s asking every day what is required of each person involved and honoring what the other needs in the way of love. Love is forever active for the Youngs. GN
